Tainted: Chapter II

Chapter II

At last the sun was stetting on this unusual day. The sky lit up like fire and lighted the glass skyscrapers with its brilliance, reflecting a million blazing colors into the eyes of Daanase Avoosi. She heard footsteps behind her. It was Evren Brey come to join her in the open air of the balcony.

“I am impressed by those two young ones,” Evren said. “I had not expected them to admit their feelings to the Council.” He paused for a moment, inhaling the fresh air. “It is good that they have, it will be easier for them to stay in the light.”

Daanase hugged her shoulders against the cool breeze. “Yes, but they share similar dark dreams. I feel that it is not a good sign. They must be tested,” she concluded. “Their passion is strong, I fear it is too strong, when faced with danger…they may act foolishly.”

“We were never foolish,” Evren reminded.

Daanase raised an eyebrow, “I beg to differ! We were very young and very foolish, just as they are. They must learn the same lesson that we did.”

“That is what the council will decide,” Evren nodded heavily, “but I do not wish it upon them.” He stared blankly at the sunset, lost in remembrance. “You nearly died that day. If you had I would never have forgiven myself.”

“You did the right thing,” Daanase assured. “If Ollahan had died in order for you to save me that would have been harder to live with.”

Evren nodded and studied her demeanor. “But you never forgave me. I left you to save him. You were dying and I left you.”

“I do not blame you, Evren,” she answered. “There is not an angry or regretful bone in my body. What’s past is past. We are Jedi, Evren, we are stronger than that.”

Evren sighed, “I know that you are right, but I just cannot help wishing that you looked at me the same way that you did then.”

“Pain is a part of life, Evren, and if you choose, it can make you stronger.”

“Is strength more important than love?”

“Love is fickle, Master Brey, that is why we avoid it. All it leads to is disappointment. The sooner that Casudu and Nuuco learn this, the better.”

“Are we to always live with this pain?”

“You’re pain is your own,” she snapped impatiently and returned inside.

I walk through a dusty valley in the dark of night, knowing that everything I see and hear must be a dream, and I come upon an ancient ruin. It looks like it was a palace or a temple. I feel chilled and realize that the dark side taints this place. I know that I should turn back but I continue into the ruins, entering what was once a great hall. I hear hissing whispers in a strange tongue calling to me. I feel drawn down into the dungeons below and there in the middle of the dank chamber, surrounded by firelight, is the dark hooded being. She is the one speaking to me, calling me.

I approach, unable to control my own feet. As I move to the center and into the firelight, I notice someone standing in the shadows behind the hooded being. The second person approaches and takes a place at the hooded being’s right hand. She removes her cloak and I cannot believe my eyes.

It is Teppa but she is very changed. Her hair is dark and glossy, and cascades over her shoulders like a black river. Her skin is pale and almost blue, there are strange blue markings on her forehead and cheeks, and on her hands and up her arms, too. She wears a black tunic and leather boots that stop half way up her thighs. On her belt is an insidious, shiny black lightsaber.

She takes the lightsaber in hand and activates the sinister red blade. I can see what she means to do, but I hope that it isn’t true. She charges at me and I can only activate my own lightsaber to defend myself. My blue blade clashes against hers again and again as she drives her red lightsaber at me. I feel so much hatred in her that I am overwhelmed, and I realized that this is not the Teppa that I once knew.

This gives me strength to defend myself and even to attack. I am stronger than her, she is no match for me, and not even her new dark powers can affect me. A feel the Force at my fingertips and power in my arm, as with each blow Teppa loses strength. Until with one final swing, I bring my blade down on her head, she falters, and my blade slices through the middle of her body and she falls lifeless at my feet.

I stare at the body, feeling confused and angry. How could she have attacked me? When did she stop loving me? She wanted to kill me, why did she want that? The hooded being approaches me, speaking in that dark language but this time, I understand.

“You have released your anger and it has made you powerful. The dark side can make you stronger, and you can be more powerful than any other Jedi. Teppa was weak and not suited for the dark side, only those that can truly handle power are worthy to become Sith masters. I foresee that you shall become a great and powerful dark lord. I can teach everything about the nature of the dark side and with my help you can conquer the galaxy!”

I awake up, breathing hard. It is still the middle of the night. I am afraid to go back to sleep, I do not want to dream again. I am trying to mediate and gain serenity but I fear that this dream has disturbed me too much. I am so tired and weary that I cannot stay awake and I think that I am about to drift off to sleep again….

Another dream! Two in one night is not a good sign. This dream was more allusive. I am floating in a gray mist. I cannot see a thing. I can only hear voices, sometimes in basic and sometimes in different foreign tongues that I do not recognize. Some of the voices are familiar, the voice of my mother, Teppa, and several masters. The alien tongues are in voices that I do not recognize. I can hear it, that dark voice speaking that evil language. I cannot understand it, but it echoed inside my head and chills my whole body.

I wake up, and I am no longer on my cot. I don’t know where I’ve acquired a writing utensil but in my sleep I have written strange characters on my wall. I step back and realize that the whole wall is covered with writing. I know instinctively that it is the dark language, probably an ancient Sith tongue. Fear of what I’ve done, seizes me. I cannot let the masters discover this writing. I run from my room and outside. It is chilling outside but I don’t care. I must clear my head, I must think of what could have possibly prompted me to write in the Sith language. I cannot think about this, I do not want to, and so I sit down and try again to meditate.

Teppa is awake and feels my anxiety. I only hope that she did not have the same dream as I, but her spirit does not feel as distraught as mine. However, this does make it worse. If she did not have this dream and I alone had it…I fear what that means. I fear these are visions that show the future. It cannot be so. Teppa would never turn to the dark side.

She approaches and I turn to see her coming out into the crisp morning air. She sees my distraught face and kneels down behind me, flinging her arms around me. I reach up and hold her arm, and there we sit in quiet, feeding off the serenity of the dawn to calm our souls.

The sun is now half way up the horizon and we must depart soon for we do not want to be seen together. Teppa presses tighter to me, I’m still uneasy but her presence is comforting.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she whispers at last.

“It was the most terrible yet,” I reply, a little unwillingly. I do not want to tell her but I know that I need to talk to somebody and she is the only one that I trust.”

“What happened?” she urges gently.

I close my eyes, remembering the dream. “There were two dreams.”

“Two?” Teppa cannot hide her alarm.

“In the first I was on an ancient planet among some ruins. The hooded figure was there. I fought her apprentice and killed her. The apprentice was you,” I start to tremble. “Then the hooded figure was speaking an ancient Sith tongue to me and I understood, she was trying to persuade me to become her new apprentice. I do not know what I decided, but she made…sense. The second dream was a strange dream, I was floating in mist and there were voices all around me. Then I heard that same Sith voice and when I woke up…” I do not know how to tell her the rest. “Come,” I stand and take her hand, leading her back to my room.

We enter and I continue. “When I woke up, I found that I had written this.” I turn around and face the wall covered in black ancient Sith script.

Teppa gasps and looks at me in horror and surprise. “What does this mean? If the Council discovers this…I cannot begin to image what they will do to you. You are dangerous.”

“Tep, please,” I beg, “it’s not like I’m trying to do this.”

“Can you read it?”

“No.”

“Can you read it?” She repeats again, staring fiercely at me.

I sigh and look at the wall, concentrating on the script. Suddenly the lines and curves make sense to me, and I can see words and phrases. “Yes,” I finally reply, “but I do not know how.”

“We must tell the Council,” Teppa concluded. “This is a very serious and grave matter, Ayani. The only explanation is that a powerful Sith is causing you to have these dreams. If he can control your dreams and cause you to write this on the wall, what else can he make you do? The Council must help you free yourself from his control.”

I nod, “I suppose that you are right, but I do not want them to fear me more. They already do not trust me and if we tell them this…” I gesture to the wall, “but I would like to be free of the dreams.”

“Good, then we shall go again to the Council this morning.” Teppa confirms. “I must return to my room now, Ayani,” she kisses me, “but I shall see you soon.” She goes and I turn my back away from the evil writing.

Tainted: Part I

Chapter I

I had a dream again and I cannot fall back to sleep. The city is unearthly quiet. I cannot understand it, Coruscant is never quiet and yet I hear not a single sound. My dreams grow more disturbing each night. I feel such agony that I am amazed I do not wake others or that they do not feel my unrest. When I do get up in the morning nobody suspects a thing. I do not want them to but I did not think that I could mask it so well, but I suppose that I must.

My dream tonight was the worst ever. It started off peaceful and calm as it does every time. I was on some remote planet, Dantooine or Alderaan, in a garden mediating. I could feel life all around me growing and it was beautiful and serene. Then a weed popped out of the ground, it was black and poisonous and rapidly the life around it died and the blackness spread out and took over everything. Thick black vines broke out of the ground as if they had mind of their own and grabbed my limbs and pinned me to the ground. I fought but the harder I fought the tighter the vines held, until I stopped struggling and the vines branched out over my body until I was completely encased. I couldn’t breathe or see.

As my life slipped away, all I could do was think of what I would give to see sunshine again. I groaned in pain and it felt like the vines had torn into my very flesh and were racing through my blood. Like an evil inflection, I felt a thick black vine crawling through my chest and wrapping tightly around my heart as it struggled to beat. I screamed, trying to get my mind off the pain, but my screams only echoed inside my head. Please, let me go, I’ll do anything! I just want to live!

I heard a hissing chuckle, soft and low. I screamed again as the vine squeezed my heart even tighter and tears flowed from my eyes. I said it again. I’ll do anything; I am no match for this. I just don’t want to die!

At these words the black vines melted away and the pain was gone, although my heart felt weak and the pain in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I rose to my feet, coughing a little, and saw, underneath the dead trees that were once living, a black hooded figure. I stumbled closer, my knees were like leaves being blown across the dead earth and I fell at his feet. He stretched out a white hand with strange red symbols painted on it and laid it on my head, it was cold to the touch and sent electrifying shivers down my spine. I felt stronger, I felt powerful, and my emotions were my strength. I found the strength to stand and looked my savior in the eye. He had saved me from the dreadful vines and now I would serve him for eternity. I could not see his face but I knew his eyes looked upon me and into my soul, and he chuckled again for he knew that I was his.

That is when I woke up. Just recounting this dream makes me feel weak again. I would think nothing of these dreams except that they seem so real. Sometimes, I think they might be visions, but how is that possible? If they are, I should tell one of the masters, but…they are only dreams right? I would not want to make a fuss about silly dreams. Then again, I’m not supposed to have dreams. My training should prevent me from having them, but it is not unheard despite that. I shall mediate on this, and if I have the courage, upon the dreams as well. Perhaps, I shall be given insight as in what to do.

It is morning already. I think I will get up. Teppa Casudu is returning from Corellia today, she would love it if I were there at the landing platform to greet her. I shall go check with hanger droids to see when she is scheduled to arrive.

Teppa is my oldest and dearest friend, I met her my very first day here at the Academy. She was younger than I. Having been born on a core world she was discovered before she was even a year old, she remembers nothing of her family. I was discovered at age five on Voru, so I still remember my family a little. She was three when I first arrived. All the strange things around me frightened me: the kilometer high towers, the bustle of this vast city, and all the strange creatures that I’d never seen before.

Voru is not very populated with only a few large cities but mostly little towns and settlements dotting the mountain slopes and hills. Voru is home to the most mineral rich water in the galaxy. Springs deep inside the mountain bubble up the minerals from the planet core and create crystal rivers that flow towards the oceans. Several hot springs are large tourist destinations and many often come seeking healing. I do not know much else about my home world other than what I’ve read. I remember very little of it. I remember my family’s house and my family, but almost everything outside of it is distant and hazy in my memory.

The Jedi Temple is my home now. These vast halls and tall pillars are all that I know now. Sometimes, I am still caught off guard by the beauty and majesty of this place. I pray that it will last forever, for the day that this building is leveled to the ground, though I hope I never see it, it will be the day when all hope as been extinguished from the galaxy. For without the Jedi the galaxy would be lost. This place could only be destroyed if the Jedi were all killed, but that I do not foresee.

I enter the hanger and see Teppa’s fighter. She has already landed. Oh, there she is! Wondrous beauty! She sees me and comes quickly at first, but then breaks into a run. I did not know until this moment how much I missed her. Teppa throws herself in my arms. What is this feeling that bubbles in my chest as I hold her close and take in the floral scent of her hair? I must get a hold of myself and I tenderly detach her from my body.

“We cannot do this here,” I caution her, longing to stroke her rosy cheek.

“But I missed you,” she says yearningly.

“As I missed you,” this time the urge is too much and I reach out to caress her shoulder. “But you know why we cannot.” I remind.

Passion is forbidden in our order. Passion leads to jealousy and angry. These are the traits of the dark side. I do not have passion for Teppa, I have love, or so I’ve told myself hundreds of times. I know now that I have always loved her. When we were young, we were very aware that we were of opposite sexes, but we knew nothing of passion. We were friends and only friends for many years, but only recently have we come to understand the passion we have for one another, the physical yearning. So far we have suppressed it and not let our feelings get the better of us, but this is the longest that Teppa and I have been separated. She has been gone months and in that time I missed her terribly, and have come to believe that this type of passion we have is not a bad thing. We have not and cannot acknowledge it publicly, but deep within our souls it strengthens us and makes us stronger.

It is perhaps a noble ideal, to try to live a life of impartiality and serenity but all living beings experience emotion. Life without emotion is impossible, as long as we can keep it under control as Teppa and I have done, then it can help us.

Teppa tells me that she is tired and will retire to her chambers to rest before she speaks with the Council, and then she will come to me. I am eager to speak with her. If there is anyone that I can talk to about my dream, it is she.

I have waited all morning, eager with anticipation for Teppa to come. She sent me a brief transmission that she was about to meet with the Council. Teppa has recently become a Jedi Knight and was sent to Corellia to investigate the disappearance of a Corellian senator. I’m sure she will recount everything to me later. I must confess that I envy Teppa’s advancement. I am still a Padawan. I did not pass the Trials, and so Council keeps me in limbo and has sent my mentor to move on to other apprentices. Teppa has faith that I shall soon be made a Knight but I have my doubts. The masters always seem cautious around me, even my old mentor, Master Diola, seems uneasy near me. I do not know what it is. I thought I was ready for the Trials, I do not know what happened. There are not many that fail the Trials and are kept on as Padawans, especially without a mentor. I don’t understand it. I think that Teppa knows something but she has not told me, but I have not asked. I think I should.

I hear a knock on my door and get up to open it. It is Teppa, as I thought, she looks even more beautiful now that she has rested and changed. I feel these strange urges that I felt in the hanger. I don’t know what it is but I must touch her, I must kiss her. I cannot but she looks at me and I can no longer hold back. I grab her, I think I’ve hurt her but I do not notice and neither does she. She presses her body against my mine and I kiss her hard and deep. Teppa runs her hands through my hair and grabs a fistful, I think she is trying to pull closer to me, pain ripples across my skull but it feels good. She wants to melt into my body, to be as close to me as possible. She tears my tunic off so fast, I think I hear it rip, but I am so busy removing her own tunic that I do not know. She pushes me onto the cot against the wall, I hit my head against the wall and she pounces on me. I wrap my arms around her, caressing her soft skin. Perhaps now, our flesh can melt and become one.

Clothed again. I wish I could freeze that moment when it was only the two of us in the whole galaxy and nothing but our love. I wish I could make it last for eternity. Alas, the universe is more complicated than that. We are Jedi and our love is forbidden. What we have done was against the Order, if our passion is discovered, I do not know what will happen. I suspect that we will be expelled. I cannot be expelled, this is only thing I know and it is the same for Teppa. I suppose we would have each other…but would that be enough? Can we hide our love again? We cannot deny it, we are far beyond that now, but can we really hide it? The Council knows everything, perhaps if we told them now…but I just cannot predict what the Council might do. I would feel much better if I knew. The longer we try to keep this a secret the worse it will look when the Council discovers it, and they will discover it.

“The Corellian senator died,” Teppa tells me, sitting across from me on the cot. “The government thought it was better that they keep it quite because they believed that the senator was assassinated. It took me months to discover this and several more to find out if this was true. The senator, it seems, committed suicide.” She shrugs, “So that’s that, I suppose.” She looks at me and I am deep in thought, she reaches out and gently takes me hand.

“I was thinking about a strange dream I had last night,” I admit.

“A dream?” she inquires with a worried brow. I recount the disturbing dream and by the end, she looks ghostly pale and I fear that she might collapse.

“Tep?” I shake her hand.

“I…had the same dream,” she says weakly, “but it was a week ago. It sounds almost exactly the same, except I’m quite certain that the hooded figure in my dream was a woman.” She looks incredulously at me. “Ayani, if we are having the same strange dreams, we ought to tell the council.”

“No,” I say a little too loudly. “If we go to the council together, they will surely be able to see our love for each other.”

“So? We have done nothing wrong, so what if they know?”

“It would be better to tell them now,” I admit, “but what will they do?”

“If we are honest, I do not think they will expel us,” Teppa replies confidently, but I wish I could feel as confident as she does.

“Then I suppose that we must tell them…everything,” I whisper. “I just fear what they will do, they already don’t trust me.”

“They trust you, it’s just that…” Teppa trails off.

“Tep, tell me!” I demand.

“I don’t know for sure but there is something elusive about you. At times I can sense it and I am sure that is what the Council senses. Your future is hazy and your soul is…sometimes I think I see a darkness. It is so little though, but I am certain that only I, who knows you so well, can see it.” She assures me.

“You mean...I am falling to the dark side?” I feel stunned, is it really possible? I would not have thought so….

“No,” Tep takes my hand, “but perhaps you are at a receptive state and the Jedi cannot tell what is going on in your mind, that’s why you scare them. I know better, I know that you are strong in the light and you are a good man. If we tell the Council everything about us as well as the dreams than they will see how earnest we are and know that we only want to do what’s right.”

I sigh, “I know that you are right but I cannot help but be apprehensive.”

“It will be alright,” she smiles and squeezes my hand.

A few hours later, we are in front of the council. They all took at us with serious faces, I feel cold as I see them looking through me. What do they see? They see that I am afraid but can they see it all? I do not think so. I can feel their own apprehension.

“Master Gorron,” Teppa address the wisest master of the Council. “Padawan Ayani Nuuco and myself have become aware that we are having the same dreams.”

“Dreams?” Gorron asks to clarify.

“Yes,” I reply, “ these dreams are…dark and disturbing.” I admit reluctantly but now it is out.

“Tell us your dream!” Master Avoosi urged in alarm. So I told her all of my dreams as best I remembered, starting from the first little one to this last disturbing one. Teppa confirmed that her dreams had all been the same but with subtle differences.

“This is most strange,” Gorron mused after we’d finished. “And disturbing. I fear these dreams may tell the future. You must be very careful Padawan Nuuco and Knight Casudu, it is unfortunate but anyone can fall to the dark side.”

“Remember your training,” Master Avoosi advises. “Passion, jealousy, angry, fear, and hate these are the path to the dark side. You must resist these feelings.”

“Yes, Master,” I bow and I want to leave, but I know that we have not told them all.

Teppa looks at me, trying to give me courage.

“What else is on your minds?” Master Brey inquires, sensing and seeing our hesitation. I feel Teppa’s eyes on me, why must I be the one to say it? It is because I am afraid.

“Masters,” I start, “I…Teppa…” How can I explain it to them? Do they know already? Can they sense it? “We…are in love.” I take her hand, I don’t know why.

The Council just looks at us. I think they are surprised, but perhaps just surprised that we told them. Perhaps, in combination with the dreams, they expected us not to tell. Maybe Teppa was right that we should tell them, but now their silent, grave faces made me unsure.

“Yes,” Master Avoosi said at last. “We have sensed you had feelings for each other for a long time ago. I confess that sending Casudu away was suppose to disintegrate these passions, but they only increased.”

Teppa nodded, “Yes, Masters, which is why we felt that we must tell the Council.”

“Tread carefully where your feelings are concerned. Sometimes these things happen, and for now all you must do is be cautious. Do not let your feelings get the better of you, beware of jealousy and fear, beware of the dark side. Now go and mediate on what we have said,” Gorron instructs and we bow, taking our leave. I could hardly believe that we’d gotten off with only a warning. Or was our punishment yet to be announced?