Can anyone identify the woman in this picture from Battlestar Galactica? I just cannot tell who she is. Is it Deanna aka 3, Ellen Ty, or another 6? Or is it someone else entirely?
Mysterious Woman
Can anyone identify the woman in this picture from Battlestar Galactica? I just cannot tell who she is. Is it Deanna aka 3, Ellen Ty, or another 6? Or is it someone else entirely?
Chapter VI
There is a melancholy trill from a bird high in the trees that drifts across the fog-laden hill. The fog is thick and white in chill of dawn. I am stationary and turn my head from side to side; I cannot see two feet in front of me for the fog hides all. I know that near by is a grove of trees on the side of the hill and that below the hill is a great blue lake, but the heavy mist looms around me and even though I strain my eyes, I can see none of it.
Then I feel something new. It is she, I am sure of it. That beautiful, enchanting woman is drawing near. A sudden gust brings the scent of her hair to my nose and my arms long for her; my lips tingle for her touch. I cannot see but I feel her near, and so I go to her.
A figure dissolves out of the mist, it is clad in a cloak as black as the void. I cannot see her face in the deep shadows within the hood but I feel her loving gaze. I stand before her but she does not want me to touch her. I bend my knee and she reaches out with her shriveled, pasty hand.
“Give me life,” she croaks, “save me from this wretchedness and I will reward you beyond your dreams. All the powers of the universe will be yours to command if you give yourself to me.”
I kiss her bony hand and stand. “My life, my power, my soul is yours.” I sweep back her hood, barely taking in the gaunt pale face, red eyes, and thin, feeble white strands of hair. I kiss her thin, dry lips and I feel life blossoming in my arms.
As my life drains away, I feel weak and old. She pulls back and I stumble to my knees, feeling as if every bone in my body will crumble and turn into dust. I look up and there before me is a ravishing young woman with shiny black tresses like the night. Her cloak has been cast aside and she wears a flaming red gown as brilliant as the streams of light that have now burned away the fog.
“What have you done to me?” I look at my trembling withered hands.
She smiles, “Don’t worry, there is life and power enough for the both of us.” With that she flings herself upon me and kisses me tenderly, and I feel a little youth pass back into me.
Suddenly, I am cold and I start to shiver. The woman dissolves and I sit up in the space shuttle. I am shaking uncontrollable and Teppa is not here. She is always here, where did she go? I feel weak, my teeth are chattering, and my skin shivers as the air around me turns icy cold. I can see my breath the windows are frosting up. Where is Teppa when I really need her?
Then, she appears, her face is white but I feel that it is not because of the cold. She sits herself in my lap and holds me close. I can feel the warmth of her body flowing through me and she lays precious life-giving kisses on my lips until I have recovered. We just sit there in each other’s arms, feeling the darkness lying heavily around us, and we know that there will be many trials to overcome but we will face them together.
“I want to leave this planet,” I whisper still feeling chilled
“Yes,” Teppa climbs into the pilot’s seat. “Do you want to go to Corellia? It’s not far.”
I shake my head and lower myself into the seat next to her. “Somewhere far, far away from here.”
“Okay,” Teppa starts entering coordinates into the hyperdrive when the whole ship starts to shake.
We brace ourselves as best we can as the ground trembles ferociously as if it is trying to swallow us. Suddenly rocks start flying through the air and bombarding us, and blasting craters into the dead soil. It seems to last for hours until a particular large rock smashes through the rear of the ship, making a great gaping hole in the ship. The shaking ceases and Teppa and I try to regain our bearings.
“This planet is supposed to be void of seismic activity,” Teppa looks suspiciously at the ruins that have become even more destroyed.
“Or meteor activity,” I twist my head and stare up into the overcast sky through the new whole in our ship. “It’s as if this place doesn’t want us to leave. The moment that we were about to leave it had a tantrum and now we’re stuck here forever.”
Teppa opens the hatch and starts to examine the damage from the outside. “Eventually, the Jedi will come and find us when we don’t return.” She stares at a large crater a few feet from the ship. “We could say that Diola died in the meteor shower and then we could return…if you like.”
I look at the city and the only building standing is that dark one, the one with basement where she waits. Then I know that she did this, she wanted to keep us here. She has more power than I thought and I can’t help smiling at the thought. She knows that I will soon seek her out.
“I don’t really like the idea of being out of favor with the Jedi,” Teppa is saying, “it’s very inconvenient, but they will never understand why Diola had to be killed.”
“Don’t you say his name!” I suddenly scream. “You have no right. I am dangerous and he was doing it for the right reasons. I wish I was dead!” I sink to my knees. “Better to dead than to be her prisoner.” I moan in despair, my hands over my face. “She’ll never leave me alone, she’ll keep taunting me and torturing me until she gets what she wants.” I rest my head on the hard earth. “I wish I didn’t want it.”
Teppa kneels beside him and wraps her soft arms around me. She kisses the back of my neck and assures me that it will be all right and not to think such things. I feel as if my head if being sucked into the ground. I think that she wants me to become one with the decay, just like her. Her arms cling close to my body like she is trying to squeeze the life out of my with her iron embrace and force it into the ground.
My life cannot restore this land. This land is dark and evil. It will always remain thus. I must either become dark like it or escape, but my escape has been stopped and so I must become one with it if I am to survive. I cannot change it, that would kill me, and if I value my life, I will succumb to her. She knows it, she knows that I will come to her and be subdued by her charms and powers. She is more powerful than me; she is the reason that this planet is home to decay and death.
I cannot take it anymore and I stretch myself over the ground, waiting for it to swallow me. Teppa lies down beside me and takes my head. I turn my head from the black earth and look into her lovely eyes. The universe is lost in that gaze, I am lost in it, and I know that with her here nothing will ever happen to me. She will never take me, not without Teppa’s interference and Teppa is very good at interfering.
There is no need to speak, I squeeze her hand, and we help each other up. We climb back into the ship. I guess will be stuck here for a couple weeks.
I move silently through the darkness, I cannot see but I can feel evil in the ground, in the trees, and the air. From the shadows emerges the black doorway, I cannot see it but I can feel the deeper darkness just in front of me. Suddenly, I feel cool but my heart is racing and my palms are sweaty. Now I am on the threshold, one more step forward and I will fall into the abyss. I expect to hear her voice calling out to me, but there is nothing but the deep and silent black. This is my choice and mine alone, if I desire to see what is beyond this dark doorway then she cannot interfere. She has brought me this far and now she will lose or gain me forever.
I know what lies before me and what lies behind. Behind me is all that I know, I am a failure and I will never be a Jedi Knight, I will never be powerful and I will never have Teppa. However, before me is the tantalizing future of new discoveries and power that I could never learn from the Jedi. I will become more powerful than the Jedi and I’ll make them see what they couldn’t, I’ll prove to them that I am good enough to be a Jedi. I am not weak and they were wrong not to make me a knight!
There is a rush of anger and bitterness inside me, I clench my fists and I step into the deeper blackness. I feel relief wash over me. My troubles are gone and soon she will teach me to be greater than the Jedi and we can rule the galaxy with your strength and power.
Now, I can see my way. It is all blackness but I can now see the stone steps leading down beneath my feet. I follow the stairs down and down, it seems an eternity that I have been walking these stairs in the dark of night. Suddenly, I see a wavering light flickering across the stairs and I enter a vast underground chamber. There is a huge suspended blue ball of the light above my head and its light flickers and dances. I am enchanted by it, but then I feel a gentle spirit near me and a beautiful fragrance fills the chamber.
I look down into the eyes of my mistress and she smiles joyfully to see me. Her black locks are even more stunning in the enchanted blue light and her skin paler and her red dress looks like the soft petals of a rose. I sweep her into my arms and kiss her tenderly.
“It took me a while to get here,” I whisper into her hair as I hold her small body close to me. “I am here now and I will never leave you again.” I promise.
She caresses my cheek, “I never gave up on you.” She steps back and takes both my hands. “We have lots of work to do, but first of all you are in need of a new name.”
“Gladly,” I agree fervently.
“Who you were before is no longer of any consequence for from now on you shall be called Darth Dalkar.” She told me solemnly. “With the dark side as your ally and with me at your side, you will become the greatest Sith that the universe has ever seen. We will restore the galaxy to its rightful order with the Jedi at our feet and we, the great Sith masters, will be the rulers over all.”
“Yes,” my heart pounds with excitement, “that is how it was meant to be. We will cut down all those that stand in our way! Let us begin!”
“Remember, Dalkar,” she looks at me fiercely, “remember the Sith Creed.”
“We are the Sith, true masters of the Force and rulers of the universe. We are one with the dark side, one with the Force, and will never stop until the true order has been restored. Our passion gives us strength and makes us strong; our passion is the key to victory and freedom. Power is desirable, strength is necessary, and death is required All power to the Sith.” We chant, the words reverberate around the room, and an exiting chill runs down my spine.
I do not feel weak after the words fade away, in fact, I feel stronger. The Force is alive in me and runs through my veins like electricity. I cannot hold it in any longer. The ground trembles and lightening shoots from my finger tips and bends towards the blue ball above us, and it grows brighter and bigger until it swallows the whole room. I fear that I am going to give out, but it feels so good that I don’t care. As I go on and stones start falling off the walls, I do not feel weakened but more and more energized the longer that I allow the Force to run through me. I never felt such strength and endurance before and it feels wonderful. I laugh gleefully and once again pull the power back inside me and the ground stops shaking and the ball of light returns to its original size as it discharges sparks into the air.
She smiles, “Now for you first task, it may seem simple but it is important.” Suddenly, a pale, confused, bound and gagged Teppa appears a few paces away. “To show your devotion to me and to your new identity, you must kill all connections to the past.”
She squeezes my hand and I know what I have to do. I draw my lightsaber; the ruby red glow illuminates Teppa’s pale skin as I approach. I don’t love her, what can she offer me? I sweep the blade down over her head and cut her in body in two. The smell of seared flesh wafts into my nostrils and I feel a hand on my shoulder.
I turn to my mistress and she kisses me, “Now, your journey to the dark side is complete.” She takes my hand and leads me into a smaller chamber, bathed in a soft orange light, to lie with her.
Chapter V
The hole in the hillside is small but I can feel it stretching far below ground and expanding into vast caverns and a maze of tunnels. There is a dank musty breeze wafting up from the bellows of the planet, and it tells of something monstrous hiding in the depths of the earth. I am hit with a ferocious pang of apprehension and I freeze before the darkness.
Teppa steps into the opening, behind Diola, her hand happily resting on her lightsaber and I feel that she revels in the darkness and wretchedness of this planet. She turns back, smiles all so loving as if nothing in the universe is wrong, and extends her hand towards me. How can I do anything but take her hand? She knows that I will come to her and follow her wherever she goes. I clasp her delicate soft hand and allow the darkness to swallow me.
The three of us make our away down into the earth. We have no need for light, the Force will guide us, but I do wish that we had a light. I would feel much better if we could have at least a little light, but perhaps it is better that we do not alert the monster to our location. There is something down here, I am quite sure of it, some evil creature that feeds on darkness.
We are far below the surface now and the air is moist and stale. The smell is over whelming and I feel us drawing nearer to the creature’s lair. Suddenly, Diola halts and I crash into Teppa who ran into Diola. Is it only now that he sense the presence of the beast? Suddenly, he disappears and I can no longer feel him. I feel Teppa’s hand against my chest and then she disappears as well. I want to call out but if I do, surely the beast will be awakened.
Suddenly, I feel myself being lifted into the air but it is not by the physical means of a monstrous beast. I can’t breath and in this musty cave it is almost a relief. I feel my life slipping away when suddenly out of the darkness a see a beam of blue light cutting through the air and then halted by the instantaneous appearance of a green beam. In the illumination of the lightsabers, I see Teppa take another swing at Master Diola, as I fall to the rough, rocky ground.
I stared him down, I could feel his surprise and confusion and I knew that I could use it to my advantage. I had the upper hand and I would cut him down. Diola was strong and he put up a good fight, but I was stronger. I could hear his words echoing in my head as I struck Diola’s shoulder, searing the flesh. Passion is strength; he had told me so many times.
Diola swung at me and the strength of his blow told me that he knew. Our blades crackled and hissed as we locked together, and then I released my passion. I pushed Diola away and he flew through the air, hitting his head against the rocky cavern wall. He started to get up but I reached out with the force and pinned him down. I picked up his lightsaber and pocketed it as a trophy. I had the strength to defeat a Jedi Master; this was a moment to remember.
“It was you all along, it wasn’t him,” Diola wheezed.
“I’m only doing what I have to do to protect him,” I replied and with a whir of my blade I plunged it into his heart.
Diola didn’t cry out, he didn’t even tense up, he just died. His death hadn’t been as satisfactory as I had imagined, but at least now he couldn’t hurt Ayani. Ayani was safe and he would live. No one would know what had happened here. We could never return to the Jedi Temple because they would only try to kill him again, but that didn’t matter because we would be together and our love would not be denied.
I felt Ayani moving and rushed to his side. I helped him up and he leaned gratefully on me.
“Where is Diola?” He inquired.
“It’s okay, you are safe now,” I told him and started to lead him back up the tunnel.
“What do you mean?”
“Diola was ordered by the Council to kill you.”
“No, he was my master, he would never…” Ayani pulled away from me.
“I couldn’t let him do that, Ayani. I love you so much and I could never live without you.” I reach out and touch his cheek.
He took my hand away from his face and held it firmly. “What did you do, Teppa?”
“There was no other way, he was going to kill you!” I insisted.
Ayani dropped my hand and fell to his knees. I felt him shaking and I heard him whimpering. There was so much fear inside of him, too much fear. I knelt down beside him and embraced him and whispered over and over that I loved him.
“You killed a Jedi Master!” he gasped, still shaking. “You killed my Master, he was like my father, and you….” He shivered. “Why would he want to kill me? Why would the Council order that?”
“They don’t trust you and they think you’re dangerous,” I answered and ran my hand gently though his hair. “I don’t think so and the Jedi aren’t always right. Sometimes, they misjudge and are narrow minded.”
“We can never go back,” he whispered and felt his tears against my cheek.
“It doesn’t matter!” I tried to encourage him. “We have each other and nothing else matters!”
Ayani nodded and we both stood up. “Yes, we have each other.” Then he kissed me and took my hand. “There are foul creatures in the shadows, let’s leave before they find us!” And we started back the way we came at a brisk pace.
A cool breeze rushed across the balcony and tugged in a frenzy at her brown robe as she stared vacantly at the blur of lights and movement below her, oblivious to the wind’s molestation of her dark locks. She closed her eyes and she could see the darkness swarming around the couple, she could feel their confusion and passion. They were so close to the edge, in fact it might be too late.
Daanase breathed in sharply and it was almost as if she could reach into their souls from so far away. They were hurting and afraid, especially the boy, but in the girl there was something different, it was something that Daanase had never seen before. There was strength and a passion that was strangely disconnected from the darkness that clouded them. She could feel no darkness in the girl’s soul.
Her mediation was so deep that she did not hear Master Brey calling her name and did not even feel his presence until he placed his hand upon her shoulder. Daanase Avoosi gasped as if surfacing from a long swim and turned abruptly towards him.
“Are you alright?” he asked, even though he knew that she wasn’t.
“There was a disturbance in the Force.”
“Was there?” he asked, startled. “Do you know what it was?”
Daanase shook her head. “All may not be well on Handuur. The presence of the dark side is too strong and I fear that something terrible will happen.”
“Then we should go,” Evren immediately decided.
“No, you will stay,” she corrected and started to walk away.
Evren reached out and grabbed her hand. “I am not letting you go back there alone, don’t think that I forgot what happened the last time that we were there.”
“I am a much stronger Jedi now,” she replied firmly and pulled her hand away. “There is no need for both of us to go, you can stay and inform the council as to where I’ve gone.”
Brey puzzled and eyed her suspiciously. “Have you told me the truth? Why do you want to go there alone?”
“I told you that it isn’t necessary for both of us to leave,” she replied tersely.
“In that case, I’ll go and you stay.”
“No,” Daanase replied firmly.
“Fine, then we’ll both go, what are you afraid of?”
Chapter IV
I never knew such bliss, such comfort! I feel as if a heavy weight has been lifted from my chest. I don’t remember what happened, but there was a woman, a very beautiful woman clad in a golden gown with shining black tresses like the night sky. She cared for me and loved me. It was so beautiful and peaceful there, and now I wake up feeling refreshed and energized. I am frightened. I am in my room and I remember the evil writing on the wall, but I look and see that is no longer there. There is not even a lingering feeling of the dark side. I wonder if I didn’t just imagine all the bad dreams and everything.
I haven’t left my room since I woke up. I feel so content that I don’t want to move a muscle. I hope that I shall dream of that beautiful woman again. Ah, the door opens! I feel it might be her, there is so much love… oh, it’s Teppa. I must not look disappointed to see her. I do love Teppa, but this woman…she was so enchanting. She could do more for me than Teppa ever can. She was just a dream, I remind myself, Teppa is wonderful and real.
“Ayani,” she kneels beside my cot and kisses me. “You’ve woken up!” She looks so relieved as she strokes my chin. “I was so worried, you were in a coma for a week!”
“That was you…beside me?” I am confused. It was someone else that I felt. It wasn’t Teppa, it couldn’t have been!
“Yes,” Teppa looks at me adoringly.
“You’re lying!” I suddenly declare, “that wasn’t you, it was her, she was….” I stop at Teppa’s bewildered face and I raise myself to a sitting position. It had been Teppa I felt in my dreams, but it wasn’t…it was the woman from the other dreams, but she was Teppa. It was Teppa’s voice I heard whispering in my sleep, whispering those dark words. I shake my head, it cannot be, my mind is all muddled and I cannot think straight.
“Diola wanted to know when you’d awoken,” Teppa stood up, “I should go tell him. The Council still wants to send us on that mission. We are to leave as soon as you are well enough.”
“I feel very rested,” I get to my feet. “If we must do this mission, we best start now.”
She frowns and knits her brow but a moment later she judges that I am fine, and we head out together to find Diola. I sense fear throughout the whole temple. It feels odd and foreign, I don’t like it and I don’t understand it. Fear has no place here.
A young padawan comes towards us, but he takes one look me at and scurries off in a different direction. I felt such tremors of fear coming from this young boy when he looked at me. Why was he afraid of me? I didn’t do anything…. Teppa feels my confusion, she knows something, I will ask her, but maybe I don’t really want to know. Yet I must.
“Teppa,” I begin, “do you know why I was in a coma? I don’t remember anything before I blacked out. I think that you know, would you tell me?”
“No,” she replies immediately. “Not right know. I don’t know much, I wasn’t with you, but I do know…it must wait until later.”
It was bad; whatever had happened, it was bad. Why else would the Temple reek of fear if it hadn’t been bad? What have I done to make everyone fear me so? Teppa will not tell me, but I begin to feel that I know what it was. I think that I read the script on the wall. I don’t know where it’s gone, but I think that is what I did. I don’t know what the words mean or why they did this to me but it is the only thing of which I can think. Perhaps, Teppa is right in waiting to tell me. I’m not sure that I even want to know or should.
We find Master Diola in the ship hanger, readying our transport. It is a small Jedi transport ship with a capacity of six. There is only a cockpit, small cargo hold, and an engine room. It’s small and practical but at least it has a hyperdrive generator. Some would consider putting a hyperdrive on such a small ship pointless, but the Jedi don’t often have need for a ship much bigger than this.
Diola meets us gravely, briefly inquiring how I feel and then we board the ship. Everything is ready and with Diola at the controls, the ship hovers off the floor and zooms out of the portal into the morning sunshine. I stare out the little window beside my seat and see the buildings grow smaller as we gain altitude and eventually they disappear under the clouds, except for the tops of the really tall ones. The blue sky bleeds into darkness and we’ve entered space. With the hyperspace coordinates set, Diola pulls the lever and the stars turn into white lines and then into nothing.
“Where are we headed?” I ask once we are safely in hyperspace.
“It’s a remote system near Corellia called Handuur,” Diola announced and I sense a strange vibe from Teppa as I hear the word, but it disappears so quickly that I cannot make sense of it. “The Council has felt the presence of the dark side there and they want us to investigate.”
“What’s there?” Teppa asked.
Diola brought up the statistics of the system on the computer for them to read. “There’s only one inhabitable planet, the rest are gas. The whole system is unstable; all the moons have unusual amounts of seismic and volcanic activity, and none of them have enough atmosphere to support life. The one planet had a number of settlements until a strange virus spread through the population and everybody died.”
“This system is still in the process of formation,” Teppa realized, “perhaps even the planet was not quite suitable yet and that’s why they died, they couldn’t adapt.”
“That is one theory but we’ve always suspected that it was a Force generated virus. Pervious reports about the planet indicate that it was stable enough and the people had been living there for generations. No one has been able to discover the exact cause of the virus, not the Jedi and not the Republic, it has remained a mystery for decades.”
“Haven’t the Jedi sent a team here before?” I ask confused as to why exactly the Council wants us to go to this particular planet.
“Yes, but the Council says that they have detected recent dark side activity here, and they think it has a connection to your dreams.” Diola explains, but I don’t believe him. I don’t know why, but I feel uneasy about the whole thing. “We have believed that a faction of the Sith exists but we’ve never been able to locate it. Handuur was already tainted with the dark side which would draw the Sith there.”
“Yes, I suppose it is a good place to start looking.” Teppa agrees and returns to studying the specs.
It is just like the dreams. The whole place is dead and rotting, the air stinks of darkness, and the wind whispers evil on its wings. I cannot set foot on this place but Teppa bravely pushes past me, unbothered by all the darkness around her. I blink; she is one with the decay. I blink again, Teppa is strong and that is why she can endure this stench. Also, she has not been affected by the dreams like I have.
The structures have fallen down from neglect and dead vines enmesh everything like webs spun by poisonous spiders to catch their prey. There is no sign of life but yet they grow though they do not produce green leaves. Some dark evil gives them strength. I wander through the ruins in a trance, as if I am asleep, I see nothing, I hear nothing, and I try to find those familiar places.
“This is the place,” Teppa looks up at the overcast sky. “The dreams were of this place.” I feel that she realized that more from my emotions than her own memories. “Power is desirable, strength is necessary, and death is required,” she muttered softly as she crouched down to examine the black, dry earth.
Her words stirred a memory in my head and I knew I’d heard those words before, but it was a different voice in a different language. Suddenly, I knew what the writing on the wall had been. It had been a Sith Creed, a sacred oath of the dark side, but how had Teppa come to know part of it? There were a few Jedi that knew it. They were those that had no need and no desire to possess that knowledge. So perhaps she too had accidentally encountered it somewhere. Perhaps, she didn’t even know exactly what it was.
“No,” I whisper to the dark wind, “this is not it.” It looks the same but it is not. I can feel a darkness pulsating somewhere in the void, drawing me away from this place. “This is all wrong,” I turn around frantically. Nothing feels right; it all feels very, very wrong. “We shouldn’t be here, we weren’t meant to come here.” I start backing away from Teppa in the direction of the ship.
Diola turns to me with concern. “Teppa said that this was the place.”
“No!” I cry. I can hear voices inside my head, whispering, taunting. I clap my hands trying to drive the voices from me head. “Thund arinhat morrhin sadyala wefhree collsirg da quesun rhey,” I hear a dark, unearthly voice erupt from my throat. I can feel my lips moving and my throat vibrating, but the voice I hear sounds detached, coming from somewhere else but yet it is inside of me. “Orhar athind cohsvi aghar ahhan da borvin rhey,” I feel myself falling to my knees, my hands still pressed in agony against my ears. I see Teppa and Diola’s horrified faces, and Diola extends his hand towards me. “Movha tohra lesh….”
I feel my throat tighten and I can no longer breath. I fall forward on my hands, gasping for air. My chest hits the black ground and my eyes role back into my head and suddenly I am no longer conscious of time, then it all goes dark.
It was horrible watching him struggle. First with himself and then when those dark words poured from his lips, Diola started to choke him. This was it. He was going to kill Ayani right in front of me. I held my lightsaber tightly in one hand and stepped towards the Master Jedi. He suddenly turned and gave me that piercing look that froze me in my steps.
“He cannot speak that language here, not here!” he uttered fiercely. “I’m not going to kill him, Teppa!” He looked back at Ayani had saw that he had blacked out on the ground. Diola with drew, “when he wakes up, he’ll be in his right mind.” He took a step towards me, “This is a place of evil, and if he had been allowed to finish that phrase everything in tune with the dark side would know exactly where we are.”
I watched him walk away to examine one of the ruins. So, he was only waiting for the right time. Perhaps, when Ayani and I would be separated. In that case, I had to be extra cautious to make sure that I never left Ayani’s side.
Ayani suspected something. His babbling before he went crazy was true. There was something strange about this place. There was some very specific reason why the Council had wanted Diola to take us here and it wasn’t because of the dreams. Perhaps, before I killed him I would find out what that was.
Silent footsteps across the blackened earth draw near and I can feel her presence and hear her soft voice in my ear. Her voice is smooth like honey and I can smell her sweet fragrance. She beckons me to follow as she tenderly wraps her arms around me and her black tresses tickle my neck. I am a slave to her will and so I get up and follow her across the starry expanse. She leads me to a rickety old staircase that goes down, down into the earth for eternity.
When I emerge from the darkness, I am on a sun kissed hill with sweet wild flowers underneath my feet and there she stands, the goddess of nature, so lovely and gentle like a silky rose petal. I kneel before her and look up into her gentle, beautiful face. She runs her hand tenderly through my hair.
“I can give you everything that you ever dreamed of and more,” she tells me. “I am the wind and the sea, the earth and the trees.” She looks heaven ward and says, “I am the sky and the rain.” She returns her loving gaze upon me and kneels down so that we are eye to eye. She takes my hands. “I will give myself to you and then all of this will be yours. You will have power beyond your imagination. The heavens and the earth will be at your command and you will even have power over life and death. If you love me, if you will have me, all this will be yours.”
My heart is racing and her words resonate in my soul. I can already fell the power pulsating through the veins in her hands as she holds mine in hers. She is willing to offer me everything. She will give me the greatest gift in the universe: her love. I can see her love in her eyes and I caress her cheek with my hand as I lean forward to seal my love with a kiss.
Suddenly, she vanishes and the hill and sunlight is gone and I am thrown into murky darkness. I feel a cold hand on my forehead; I slap it away and sit up, coming face to face with Teppa. I want the woman who is my love. I want her. I look at Teppa’s concerned eyes, but she is right her. Her gentle face and loving eyes have never left me. Impulsively, I kiss her. It is not the same. I do not feel different. Where is the power that I was promised? No, Teppa is not her, not yet.
What am I thinking? I never know what I am thinking anymore. I feel all twisted and confused. Teppa and the black haired woman, the woman and Teppa, are they the same, are they different? Who is she? Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing? I feel like I’m losing my mind!
“Are you alright?” Teppa touches my shoulder gently.
“Yes,” I look around, trying to get my bearings.
I am in the space shuttle. I get up, my head hurts and my neck is sore. Diola is outside still exploring the ruined city. No, this one is different, we’ve moved. This one is bigger and there is an avenue lined with dead trees. A shiver runs down my spine and I hear the dark words whispered on the wind.
“This is my dream,” I whisper.
“It is?” Teppa is startled.
“There!” I point to a rather large building with the entire front still standing. “Through there are stairs into a dark chamber. That’s where the Sith will meet us.”
“What are you talking about?” Teppa follows close behind me and for the first time she is scared.
“They know we’re here and they are luring us to them,” I say and approach the building.
Diola sees us and runs towards us. “No, don’t go in there. It’s unstable!”
I step inside the doorway and I feel as if I am in a dream. Diola grabs me and yanks me out of the dream as part of the roof falls in. Teppa jumps and looks at Diola in surprise and then at the rubble that fell where I was just standing.
“There’s a cave back there in the hillside,” Diola points towards the other side of the city. “I think we should go check it out.”
I look into the dark ruins. She’ll wait; she’ll wait as long as she needs. She knows that I will come to her eventually. It is inevitable for she is my destiny. I turn and follow Diola and Teppa down the boulevard of dead trees.
Tainted: Chapter III
If mediation does not ease my spirit, rigorous exercise does. I have been in the training center since dawn. Stretching my physical limitations gives me focus and determination as I seek to improve myself. It always takes my mind off troubling thoughts. And for a time there is nothing else but the sheer power of my muscles and sticky sweat trickling down my back.
It is after midday and Teppa has not come to me. I thought that we would see the Council this morning, but I have not heard from her or seen her since sunrise. I am getting impatient; exercise is not diverting my thoughts as well as it usually does. I will go seek her out.
As I leave the training rooms, I see Master Diola approaching. He is my mentor, I have not spoken to him in some time, and I amazed to see him coming to me. He entreats me to speak with him on a matter of urgency and leads me away to a private mediation room.
“First, I have to apologize, Ayani,” he starts gravely, “I feel that I have abandoned you but I now understand that just because you are no longer my apprentice does not mean that I cannot still act as your mentor.”
I do not know what to say. I must confess that sometimes I feel lost without Master Diola’s guidance. He sees my thoughts so all I need to say is, “Thank you, Master Diola.”
“The Council was made me aware of the situation, they felt it wise that I give my insight considering how well I know you.”
“Situation?”
“You and Teppa and your dreams. The Council feels that your feelings for Teppa are dangerous and with the combination of your dreams…your future appears very dark, Ayani.” I cannot help but tremble at his words. “Do not fear this, Padawan. I have heard tales of Jedi that were destined to fall to the dark side, but I do not believe it. If you desire to stay in the light and escape this dark fate, you can. It will not be easy and you must not do it alone.”
“And will you help me?” I feel hopeful, I would be glad of his guidance.
“I will try, Ayani, but already you’re dreams have become something far more dangerous than anything the Jedi have seen. Teppa reported your latest dream to the Council. It has them all very unsettled.”
“Teppa went to the Council without me?”
“She said that you were too unsettled to go yourself. She is very worried about you.”
“Should I be worried about myself?”
“No,” Diola shakes his head, “you know who you are, hold to that and you will be fine. Your mission will be challenging but as long as you remember that, you shall triumph.”
“What mission?”
“The Council believes that it is a powerful Sith who is causing these dreams, they think that perhaps you and Teppa, because of your shared dreams may be able to track down the Sith. It is very dangerous, the Council knows that and so they have decided to send me along to help guild the way and make sure you stay in the light.”
“How could they know that?” I ask skeptically. “Why might these dreams not just be visions of my future?” I don’t like the idea but somehow it seems more likely. Why would a Sith want me to dream these things and what would they want with me? However, neither option is very comforting.
“Teppa says that in her dreams she feels as if she is not alone as if they are originating from some place outside of her mind.” Diola reveals.
“I have never felt that,” I reply even though I am unsure it is true, but I feel angry that the Council is solely listening to Teppa and not me. I have forgotten that Teppa was inflicted by the dreams but she did not have this last one, she did not write in Sith script on the wall of her room. I feel that I am suffering more than her.
“If you are suggesting that you projected your dreams to her, that is a possibility except that she has consistently had the same dream a number of days before you.” Diola studies me thoughtfully. “This writing on the wall is a good indication that your dreams are coming from somewhere else. There is no possible way that you could know how to write it.”
“If it was a vision from the Force….” I start.
Diola nods understandingly. “It is a very frightening thought that a dark lord of the Sith could be inside your head, but we must consider this as a very likely option.”
“But tracking down this Sith?”
“The Sith might already be trying to lure you to him.”
“That is very risky…”
Diola nods, knowing my thoughts, “the Council believes that with my help you and Teppa will stay in the light.”
“I do not like this but I suppose that we have no choice, and if I must wager my life to destroy the Sith than I suppose that is a worthy cause.” I decide, still feeling uneasy about the whole idea.
Diola nods again, “I am quite in agreement. We leave in the morning. Get some rest.” He advises and I feel like I am still his pupil, then he leaves me and I wonder why Teppa went behind my back.
My master said that she wanted to protect me, I understand this, but Teppa knows me. She would have known that this would upset me. I would have told the Council everything, I would have been honest, not that I could have lied without them knowing anyway. Why did she go to the Council without me? I must find her and demand an explanation. I don’t understand why she did this.
I cannot find Teppa. I’ve searched the Great Hall, the Library, and ship hanger but she is not there. I have tried to concentrate upon her with the Force but I feel this strange resistance, it is almost like this physical block that will not let me get near her. I think she is hiding from me, but she need not hide. I am not angry with her. I understand what she did, I do wish that she had not done it, but that cannot be helped now. I suppose that will just wait until she is ready to come to me.
Waiting makes me restless; it is the afternoon and still no sign of Teppa. I’ve spent my time thinking about this mission that the Council is sending us on. I feel there is something more behind it, something that Diola hasn’t told me or perhaps something that the Council hasn’t told him. This is a dangerous mission but yet there was no fear in Diola. I would expect that the prospect of hunting a Sith would be some cause for anxiety. I know that I am terribly apprehensive about it. I don’t think this is a good idea, but I must trust the judgment of the Council. If only it wasn’t so hard for me, I know that I have much to learn, and the Council is wise. I know that they are, but it’s so hard not to feel a little skeptical at times.
If the Council had allowed me to become a knight this might not be happening to me. I was very angry for some months after they told me that I’d failed the Trials and that Diola had been assigned to a new Padawan. Members of the Council had sessions with me to deal with my anger, especially Master Avoosi. I think that my anger disturbed most of the masters but not her. It was soon after my failure that I began to have these dark dreams. I don’t really remember those ones, they were very vague, simply manifestations of my frustration or so I thought. With Master Avoosi’s counseling the dreams ceased and I came to accept the Council’s decision. I do not feel as I did then, but the dreams are worse then before, I do not understand it. They say that a Sith is in my mind and giving me these dreams, but I don’t know if I believe it. I think that I would have had some notion that these dreams were not a manifestation of my own consciousness. Even so, how could I possibly be able to read the Sith script?
I have not returned to my room all day. I do not wish to look upon that darkness on the wall, but I begin to think that I should. Perhaps it will give me some insight into the cause of all this. I tremble as I enter my room, I can feel a shadow here, some terrible darkness. I turn and look at the lines of foreign script on the wall. My eye goes to the upper left corner and strange words from in front of my eyes, I press my tongue against my teeth and a strange fluid sound pours out of my mouth as I begin to read.
“Thund arinhat morrhin sadyala wefhree collsirg da quesun rhey,” I feel light headed and my knees feel week. What have I said? I cannot stop. I must continue reading, “Orhar athind cohsvi aghar ahhan da borvin rhey.” What’s happening to me? I fall to me knees, my heart is pounding so hard, I think the walls are shaking. “Movha tohra lesh da quesun, lesh da ahhan borvin, sadyala lesh er sarshoon wheh lhen rhey.” My voice begins to sound strange to my ears; it is much deeper and colder. The words echo inside my head with a ferocity and maliciousness that is strange to my ears. The words bombard me from all around but it is not me, I am not speaking, and yet I hear the words and see nothing as the world turns dark. “Esuh amha lesh da rhey, lesh vher quesun da Sith!”
It felt as if the sun had suddenly imploded and the whole world was left in darkness. I felt a sharp pain across my forehead as if I’d been stabbed with a needle. I felt an urgency to get up but as soon as I did I fell to the floor on my knees. The pain in my head was growing and the ringing in my ears blocked all other sounds. I felt the ground tremble like an earthquake. My head felt like a weight on my shoulders as I struggled to raise it and I saw the other Jedi around me on the floor in agony.
The pain seemed to last forever and I eventually blacked out. When I came too, I was still on the floor and the other Jedi were picking themselves up. I remembered the earthquake and jumped to my feet, ready to help incase some one had become stuck. Everything looked as it had before and I realized that the shaking had been all in my head. The other Jedi looked just as mystified as I felt and I knew that we had all experienced the same pain. It was a tremor in the Force, something very terrible and evil had just happened.
“Ayani,” I whispered. Instinctively I knew that he had something to do with this. “Oh, no!” I took off sprinting down the hall. I had to get to him before one of the Masters did. He must have read the script, why did he do that? He should have known not to do that.
I sensed a few masters coming my way and I immediately slowed down and tried to clear my mind. They were in a big hurry and seemed very disturbed. They were Council members heading to meet with the rest of the Council to discuss this recent event. As soon as they were gone, I resumed my quick pace.
When I got to Ayani’s chamber door, I tried to open it but the mechanism was blocked. I reached out with the Force but when I tried to probe inside the room, a black hand reached out and slapped me. I was pushed against the wall. I felt dazed for little bit, but quickly picked myself up off the floor. I threw myself against the door and pounded my fists upon it, but it was no use.
Dim voices jumped into my head, and as I began to concentrate on them the Council room suddenly sprang up before my eyes. I could see each of the Council Members as well as Master Diola. They were all very troubled.
“This is a very strange and dangerous situation,” Gorron was saying. “We may have a Sith in our presence.”
“He should be taken care of immediately,” Master Limzeek, a twi’lek, declared.
“It’s not all that easy,” Avoosi replied calmly. “I believe that he was an aware of what he was doing.”
“Nevertheless,” Gorron continued, “he has brought darkness into this temple and that is unforgivable. First with dreams and then this script…No, it is enough.”
“His mission ought to continue,” Brey proposed. “He is never to come back,” he eyed Diola.
Diola had been looking down the whole time but when he felt Master Brey’s eyes, he raised his head. “Nuuco is dangerous and must be killed. I will do my part.”
Tainted: Chapter II
Chapter II
At last the sun was stetting on this unusual day. The sky lit up like fire and lighted the glass skyscrapers with its brilliance, reflecting a million blazing colors into the eyes of Daanase Avoosi. She heard footsteps behind her. It was Evren Brey come to join her in the open air of the balcony.
“I am impressed by those two young ones,” Evren said. “I had not expected them to admit their feelings to the Council.” He paused for a moment, inhaling the fresh air. “It is good that they have, it will be easier for them to stay in the light.”
Daanase hugged her shoulders against the cool breeze. “Yes, but they share similar dark dreams. I feel that it is not a good sign. They must be tested,” she concluded. “Their passion is strong, I fear it is too strong, when faced with danger…they may act foolishly.”
“We were never foolish,” Evren reminded.
Daanase raised an eyebrow, “I beg to differ! We were very young and very foolish, just as they are. They must learn the same lesson that we did.”
“That is what the council will decide,” Evren nodded heavily, “but I do not wish it upon them.” He stared blankly at the sunset, lost in remembrance. “You nearly died that day. If you had I would never have forgiven myself.”
“You did the right thing,” Daanase assured. “If Ollahan had died in order for you to save me that would have been harder to live with.”
Evren nodded and studied her demeanor. “But you never forgave me. I left you to save him. You were dying and I left you.”
“I do not blame you, Evren,” she answered. “There is not an angry or regretful bone in my body. What’s past is past. We are Jedi, Evren, we are stronger than that.”
Evren sighed, “I know that you are right, but I just cannot help wishing that you looked at me the same way that you did then.”
“Pain is a part of life, Evren, and if you choose, it can make you stronger.”
“Is strength more important than love?”
“Love is fickle, Master Brey, that is why we avoid it. All it leads to is disappointment. The sooner that Casudu and Nuuco learn this, the better.”
“Are we to always live with this pain?”
“You’re pain is your own,” she snapped impatiently and returned inside.
I walk through a dusty valley in the dark of night, knowing that everything I see and hear must be a dream, and I come upon an ancient ruin. It looks like it was a palace or a temple. I feel chilled and realize that the dark side taints this place. I know that I should turn back but I continue into the ruins, entering what was once a great hall. I hear hissing whispers in a strange tongue calling to me. I feel drawn down into the dungeons below and there in the middle of the dank chamber, surrounded by firelight, is the dark hooded being. She is the one speaking to me, calling me.
I approach, unable to control my own feet. As I move to the center and into the firelight, I notice someone standing in the shadows behind the hooded being. The second person approaches and takes a place at the hooded being’s right hand. She removes her cloak and I cannot believe my eyes.
It is Teppa but she is very changed. Her hair is dark and glossy, and cascades over her shoulders like a black river. Her skin is pale and almost blue, there are strange blue markings on her forehead and cheeks, and on her hands and up her arms, too. She wears a black tunic and leather boots that stop half way up her thighs. On her belt is an insidious, shiny black lightsaber.
She takes the lightsaber in hand and activates the sinister red blade. I can see what she means to do, but I hope that it isn’t true. She charges at me and I can only activate my own lightsaber to defend myself. My blue blade clashes against hers again and again as she drives her red lightsaber at me. I feel so much hatred in her that I am overwhelmed, and I realized that this is not the Teppa that I once knew.
This gives me strength to defend myself and even to attack. I am stronger than her, she is no match for me, and not even her new dark powers can affect me. A feel the Force at my fingertips and power in my arm, as with each blow Teppa loses strength. Until with one final swing, I bring my blade down on her head, she falters, and my blade slices through the middle of her body and she falls lifeless at my feet.
I stare at the body, feeling confused and angry. How could she have attacked me? When did she stop loving me? She wanted to kill me, why did she want that? The hooded being approaches me, speaking in that dark language but this time, I understand.
“You have released your anger and it has made you powerful. The dark side can make you stronger, and you can be more powerful than any other Jedi. Teppa was weak and not suited for the dark side, only those that can truly handle power are worthy to become Sith masters. I foresee that you shall become a great and powerful dark lord. I can teach everything about the nature of the dark side and with my help you can conquer the galaxy!”
I awake up, breathing hard. It is still the middle of the night. I am afraid to go back to sleep, I do not want to dream again. I am trying to mediate and gain serenity but I fear that this dream has disturbed me too much. I am so tired and weary that I cannot stay awake and I think that I am about to drift off to sleep again….
Another dream! Two in one night is not a good sign. This dream was more allusive. I am floating in a gray mist. I cannot see a thing. I can only hear voices, sometimes in basic and sometimes in different foreign tongues that I do not recognize. Some of the voices are familiar, the voice of my mother, Teppa, and several masters. The alien tongues are in voices that I do not recognize. I can hear it, that dark voice speaking that evil language. I cannot understand it, but it echoed inside my head and chills my whole body.
I wake up, and I am no longer on my cot. I don’t know where I’ve acquired a writing utensil but in my sleep I have written strange characters on my wall. I step back and realize that the whole wall is covered with writing. I know instinctively that it is the dark language, probably an ancient Sith tongue. Fear of what I’ve done, seizes me. I cannot let the masters discover this writing. I run from my room and outside. It is chilling outside but I don’t care. I must clear my head, I must think of what could have possibly prompted me to write in the Sith language. I cannot think about this, I do not want to, and so I sit down and try again to meditate.
Teppa is awake and feels my anxiety. I only hope that she did not have the same dream as I, but her spirit does not feel as distraught as mine. However, this does make it worse. If she did not have this dream and I alone had it…I fear what that means. I fear these are visions that show the future. It cannot be so. Teppa would never turn to the dark side.
She approaches and I turn to see her coming out into the crisp morning air. She sees my distraught face and kneels down behind me, flinging her arms around me. I reach up and hold her arm, and there we sit in quiet, feeding off the serenity of the dawn to calm our souls.
The sun is now half way up the horizon and we must depart soon for we do not want to be seen together. Teppa presses tighter to me, I’m still uneasy but her presence is comforting.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” she whispers at last.
“It was the most terrible yet,” I reply, a little unwillingly. I do not want to tell her but I know that I need to talk to somebody and she is the only one that I trust.”
“What happened?” she urges gently.
I close my eyes, remembering the dream. “There were two dreams.”
“Two?” Teppa cannot hide her alarm.
“In the first I was on an ancient planet among some ruins. The hooded figure was there. I fought her apprentice and killed her. The apprentice was you,” I start to tremble. “Then the hooded figure was speaking an ancient Sith tongue to me and I understood, she was trying to persuade me to become her new apprentice. I do not know what I decided, but she made…sense. The second dream was a strange dream, I was floating in mist and there were voices all around me. Then I heard that same Sith voice and when I woke up…” I do not know how to tell her the rest. “Come,” I stand and take her hand, leading her back to my room.
We enter and I continue. “When I woke up, I found that I had written this.” I turn around and face the wall covered in black ancient Sith script.
Teppa gasps and looks at me in horror and surprise. “What does this mean? If the Council discovers this…I cannot begin to image what they will do to you. You are dangerous.”
“Tep, please,” I beg, “it’s not like I’m trying to do this.”
“Can you read it?”
“No.”
“Can you read it?” She repeats again, staring fiercely at me.
I sigh and look at the wall, concentrating on the script. Suddenly the lines and curves make sense to me, and I can see words and phrases. “Yes,” I finally reply, “but I do not know how.”
“We must tell the Council,” Teppa concluded. “This is a very serious and grave matter, Ayani. The only explanation is that a powerful Sith is causing you to have these dreams. If he can control your dreams and cause you to write this on the wall, what else can he make you do? The Council must help you free yourself from his control.”
I nod, “I suppose that you are right, but I do not want them to fear me more. They already do not trust me and if we tell them this…” I gesture to the wall, “but I would like to be free of the dreams.”
“Good, then we shall go again to the Council this morning.” Teppa confirms. “I must return to my room now, Ayani,” she kisses me, “but I shall see you soon.” She goes and I turn my back away from the evil writing.
Tainted: Part I
Chapter I
I had a dream again and I cannot fall back to sleep. The city is unearthly quiet. I cannot understand it, Coruscant is never quiet and yet I hear not a single sound. My dreams grow more disturbing each night. I feel such agony that I am amazed I do not wake others or that they do not feel my unrest. When I do get up in the morning nobody suspects a thing. I do not want them to but I did not think that I could mask it so well, but I suppose that I must.
My dream tonight was the worst ever. It started off peaceful and calm as it does every time. I was on some remote planet, Dantooine or Alderaan, in a garden mediating. I could feel life all around me growing and it was beautiful and serene. Then a weed popped out of the ground, it was black and poisonous and rapidly the life around it died and the blackness spread out and took over everything. Thick black vines broke out of the ground as if they had mind of their own and grabbed my limbs and pinned me to the ground. I fought but the harder I fought the tighter the vines held, until I stopped struggling and the vines branched out over my body until I was completely encased. I couldn’t breathe or see.
As my life slipped away, all I could do was think of what I would give to see sunshine again. I groaned in pain and it felt like the vines had torn into my very flesh and were racing through my blood. Like an evil inflection, I felt a thick black vine crawling through my chest and wrapping tightly around my heart as it struggled to beat. I screamed, trying to get my mind off the pain, but my screams only echoed inside my head. Please, let me go, I’ll do anything! I just want to live!
I heard a hissing chuckle, soft and low. I screamed again as the vine squeezed my heart even tighter and tears flowed from my eyes. I said it again. I’ll do anything; I am no match for this. I just don’t want to die!
At these words the black vines melted away and the pain was gone, although my heart felt weak and the pain in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I rose to my feet, coughing a little, and saw, underneath the dead trees that were once living, a black hooded figure. I stumbled closer, my knees were like leaves being blown across the dead earth and I fell at his feet. He stretched out a white hand with strange red symbols painted on it and laid it on my head, it was cold to the touch and sent electrifying shivers down my spine. I felt stronger, I felt powerful, and my emotions were my strength. I found the strength to stand and looked my savior in the eye. He had saved me from the dreadful vines and now I would serve him for eternity. I could not see his face but I knew his eyes looked upon me and into my soul, and he chuckled again for he knew that I was his.
That is when I woke up. Just recounting this dream makes me feel weak again. I would think nothing of these dreams except that they seem so real. Sometimes, I think they might be visions, but how is that possible? If they are, I should tell one of the masters, but…they are only dreams right? I would not want to make a fuss about silly dreams. Then again, I’m not supposed to have dreams. My training should prevent me from having them, but it is not unheard despite that. I shall mediate on this, and if I have the courage, upon the dreams as well. Perhaps, I shall be given insight as in what to do.
It is morning already. I think I will get up. Teppa Casudu is returning from Corellia today, she would love it if I were there at the landing platform to greet her. I shall go check with hanger droids to see when she is scheduled to arrive.
Teppa is my oldest and dearest friend, I met her my very first day here at the Academy. She was younger than I. Having been born on a core world she was discovered before she was even a year old, she remembers nothing of her family. I was discovered at age five on Voru, so I still remember my family a little. She was three when I first arrived. All the strange things around me frightened me: the kilometer high towers, the bustle of this vast city, and all the strange creatures that I’d never seen before.
Voru is not very populated with only a few large cities but mostly little towns and settlements dotting the mountain slopes and hills. Voru is home to the most mineral rich water in the galaxy. Springs deep inside the mountain bubble up the minerals from the planet core and create crystal rivers that flow towards the oceans. Several hot springs are large tourist destinations and many often come seeking healing. I do not know much else about my home world other than what I’ve read. I remember very little of it. I remember my family’s house and my family, but almost everything outside of it is distant and hazy in my memory.
The Jedi Temple is my home now. These vast halls and tall pillars are all that I know now. Sometimes, I am still caught off guard by the beauty and majesty of this place. I pray that it will last forever, for the day that this building is leveled to the ground, though I hope I never see it, it will be the day when all hope as been extinguished from the galaxy. For without the Jedi the galaxy would be lost. This place could only be destroyed if the Jedi were all killed, but that I do not foresee.
I enter the hanger and see Teppa’s fighter. She has already landed. Oh, there she is! Wondrous beauty! She sees me and comes quickly at first, but then breaks into a run. I did not know until this moment how much I missed her. Teppa throws herself in my arms. What is this feeling that bubbles in my chest as I hold her close and take in the floral scent of her hair? I must get a hold of myself and I tenderly detach her from my body.
“We cannot do this here,” I caution her, longing to stroke her rosy cheek.
“But I missed you,” she says yearningly.
“As I missed you,” this time the urge is too much and I reach out to caress her shoulder. “But you know why we cannot.” I remind.
Passion is forbidden in our order. Passion leads to jealousy and angry. These are the traits of the dark side. I do not have passion for Teppa, I have love, or so I’ve told myself hundreds of times. I know now that I have always loved her. When we were young, we were very aware that we were of opposite sexes, but we knew nothing of passion. We were friends and only friends for many years, but only recently have we come to understand the passion we have for one another, the physical yearning. So far we have suppressed it and not let our feelings get the better of us, but this is the longest that Teppa and I have been separated. She has been gone months and in that time I missed her terribly, and have come to believe that this type of passion we have is not a bad thing. We have not and cannot acknowledge it publicly, but deep within our souls it strengthens us and makes us stronger.
It is perhaps a noble ideal, to try to live a life of impartiality and serenity but all living beings experience emotion. Life without emotion is impossible, as long as we can keep it under control as Teppa and I have done, then it can help us.
Teppa tells me that she is tired and will retire to her chambers to rest before she speaks with the Council, and then she will come to me. I am eager to speak with her. If there is anyone that I can talk to about my dream, it is she.
I have waited all morning, eager with anticipation for Teppa to come. She sent me a brief transmission that she was about to meet with the Council. Teppa has recently become a Jedi Knight and was sent to Corellia to investigate the disappearance of a Corellian senator. I’m sure she will recount everything to me later. I must confess that I envy Teppa’s advancement. I am still a Padawan. I did not pass the Trials, and so Council keeps me in limbo and has sent my mentor to move on to other apprentices. Teppa has faith that I shall soon be made a Knight but I have my doubts. The masters always seem cautious around me, even my old mentor, Master Diola, seems uneasy near me. I do not know what it is. I thought I was ready for the Trials, I do not know what happened. There are not many that fail the Trials and are kept on as Padawans, especially without a mentor. I don’t understand it. I think that Teppa knows something but she has not told me, but I have not asked. I think I should.
I hear a knock on my door and get up to open it. It is Teppa, as I thought, she looks even more beautiful now that she has rested and changed. I feel these strange urges that I felt in the hanger. I don’t know what it is but I must touch her, I must kiss her. I cannot but she looks at me and I can no longer hold back. I grab her, I think I’ve hurt her but I do not notice and neither does she. She presses her body against my mine and I kiss her hard and deep. Teppa runs her hands through my hair and grabs a fistful, I think she is trying to pull closer to me, pain ripples across my skull but it feels good. She wants to melt into my body, to be as close to me as possible. She tears my tunic off so fast, I think I hear it rip, but I am so busy removing her own tunic that I do not know. She pushes me onto the cot against the wall, I hit my head against the wall and she pounces on me. I wrap my arms around her, caressing her soft skin. Perhaps now, our flesh can melt and become one.
Clothed again. I wish I could freeze that moment when it was only the two of us in the whole galaxy and nothing but our love. I wish I could make it last for eternity. Alas, the universe is more complicated than that. We are Jedi and our love is forbidden. What we have done was against the Order, if our passion is discovered, I do not know what will happen. I suspect that we will be expelled. I cannot be expelled, this is only thing I know and it is the same for Teppa. I suppose we would have each other…but would that be enough? Can we hide our love again? We cannot deny it, we are far beyond that now, but can we really hide it? The Council knows everything, perhaps if we told them now…but I just cannot predict what the Council might do. I would feel much better if I knew. The longer we try to keep this a secret the worse it will look when the Council discovers it, and they will discover it.
“The Corellian senator died,” Teppa tells me, sitting across from me on the cot. “The government thought it was better that they keep it quite because they believed that the senator was assassinated. It took me months to discover this and several more to find out if this was true. The senator, it seems, committed suicide.” She shrugs, “So that’s that, I suppose.” She looks at me and I am deep in thought, she reaches out and gently takes me hand.
“I was thinking about a strange dream I had last night,” I admit.
“A dream?” she inquires with a worried brow. I recount the disturbing dream and by the end, she looks ghostly pale and I fear that she might collapse.
“Tep?” I shake her hand.
“I…had the same dream,” she says weakly, “but it was a week ago. It sounds almost exactly the same, except I’m quite certain that the hooded figure in my dream was a woman.” She looks incredulously at me. “Ayani, if we are having the same strange dreams, we ought to tell the council.”
“No,” I say a little too loudly. “If we go to the council together, they will surely be able to see our love for each other.”
“So? We have done nothing wrong, so what if they know?”
“It would be better to tell them now,” I admit, “but what will they do?”
“If we are honest, I do not think they will expel us,” Teppa replies confidently, but I wish I could feel as confident as she does.
“Then I suppose that we must tell them…everything,” I whisper. “I just fear what they will do, they already don’t trust me.”
“They trust you, it’s just that…” Teppa trails off.
“Tep, tell me!” I demand.
“I don’t know for sure but there is something elusive about you. At times I can sense it and I am sure that is what the Council senses. Your future is hazy and your soul is…sometimes I think I see a darkness. It is so little though, but I am certain that only I, who knows you so well, can see it.” She assures me.
“You mean...I am falling to the dark side?” I feel stunned, is it really possible? I would not have thought so….
“No,” Tep takes my hand, “but perhaps you are at a receptive state and the Jedi cannot tell what is going on in your mind, that’s why you scare them. I know better, I know that you are strong in the light and you are a good man. If we tell the Council everything about us as well as the dreams than they will see how earnest we are and know that we only want to do what’s right.”
I sigh, “I know that you are right but I cannot help but be apprehensive.”
“It will be alright,” she smiles and squeezes my hand.
A few hours later, we are in front of the council. They all took at us with serious faces, I feel cold as I see them looking through me. What do they see? They see that I am afraid but can they see it all? I do not think so. I can feel their own apprehension.
“Master Gorron,” Teppa address the wisest master of the Council. “Padawan Ayani Nuuco and myself have become aware that we are having the same dreams.”
“Dreams?” Gorron asks to clarify.
“Yes,” I reply, “ these dreams are…dark and disturbing.” I admit reluctantly but now it is out.
“Tell us your dream!” Master Avoosi urged in alarm. So I told her all of my dreams as best I remembered, starting from the first little one to this last disturbing one. Teppa confirmed that her dreams had all been the same but with subtle differences.
“This is most strange,” Gorron mused after we’d finished. “And disturbing. I fear these dreams may tell the future. You must be very careful Padawan Nuuco and Knight Casudu, it is unfortunate but anyone can fall to the dark side.”
“Remember your training,” Master Avoosi advises. “Passion, jealousy, angry, fear, and hate these are the path to the dark side. You must resist these feelings.”
“Yes, Master,” I bow and I want to leave, but I know that we have not told them all.
Teppa looks at me, trying to give me courage.
“What else is on your minds?” Master Brey inquires, sensing and seeing our hesitation. I feel Teppa’s eyes on me, why must I be the one to say it? It is because I am afraid.
“Masters,” I start, “I…Teppa…” How can I explain it to them? Do they know already? Can they sense it? “We…are in love.” I take her hand, I don’t know why.
The Council just looks at us. I think they are surprised, but perhaps just surprised that we told them. Perhaps, in combination with the dreams, they expected us not to tell. Maybe Teppa was right that we should tell them, but now their silent, grave faces made me unsure.
“Yes,” Master Avoosi said at last. “We have sensed you had feelings for each other for a long time ago. I confess that sending Casudu away was suppose to disintegrate these passions, but they only increased.”
Teppa nodded, “Yes, Masters, which is why we felt that we must tell the Council.”
“Tread carefully where your feelings are concerned. Sometimes these things happen, and for now all you must do is be cautious. Do not let your feelings get the better of you, beware of jealousy and fear, beware of the dark side. Now go and mediate on what we have said,” Gorron instructs and we bow, taking our leave. I could hardly believe that we’d gotten off with only a warning. Or was our punishment yet to be announced?
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